I just sat down to see what was going on with my “blog”. My husband and I are moving out of state in about a week and a half and I have been preoccupied, to say the least.
I am so ambivalent about this move. In past moves I’ve been excited, ready to meet new worlds and experiences. Now, not so much. My first major move, to Seattle changed my trajectory. Even though I haven’t lived in Seattle for over 20 years, it was there I got divorced and met the man who is still my husband. I was in love with life and so excited to be in a place where everyone wanted to be.
If you had asked me those 37 years ago if this is where I’d be at 63, I would never have believed you. I had the arrogance and cock sureness of youth. I was young, healthy, beautiful, vital. So sure that I had shed my baggage from childhood, my future couldn’t be anything but bright.
Now, I have baggage, but I’m not so eager to shed it. Now my baggage is full of everyone and everything I care about.
I have no conclusions, just a jumble of thoughts and feelings. This is the last part of my life and I’m not arrogant or cock sure; just resigned that I this is the direction I must go, but this time I feel so unprepared.